check your sugarcoat at the door


a morning spent in caps lock
January 10, 2011, 10:26 pm
Filed under: wah

Over the weekend, there was a impromptu gathering at my place with some friends, which involved heavy drinking, the bathing of a huge dog*, and a mild Saturday morning hangover.

*Ree’s friend stopped by and brought with her a massive, long haired mutt. We let him out in my yard and he quickled rolled his way through all of Lucy’s shit that I’d yet to pick up.

The next day we had to go to a wedding that started at 1pm, after which the bridal party was escorted to somewhere lovely for pictures, and then back to the reception at SIX PEE EM. Luckily this all took place in my hometown, so I was free for the wandering of my old stomping grounds. Unluckily, Josh was the best man and one of many who were whisked away from the church is a shiny limosine. So the wandering was alone but I really, really enjoyed myself. When I got bored, I grabbed some flavored cigars from a smoke shop and a bottle of vodka from the liquor store and had a (discreet) party in the (parked) car, with the Ipod going.

The reception went until midnight and there was so much dancing that my calves and thighs were worked for the month. Needless to say that by Sunday, I was barely human. It took all the power in me and then some to function as we returned Josh’s tuxedo and picked up our offspring from Grammy and Papa’s.

I was thrilled to lay down on the couch at 6:30 Sunday evening and pass the fuck out.

Come eightish, I stretched out, threw the kid in the shower, made some lunches for the week and went to the bathroom. Post flush, there was an eruption of water over the bowl, something my front bathroom has been doing for months on a whim. I could flush a stove down that thing without a hiccup and then sometimes I have an embarrassed guest over who swears, “I only peed!”

 Too tired to get upset, I threw some towels down around the bottom of the toilet, waited until the water was still, and left it for morning.

Overnight, hell broke loose and it started in my toilet.

The carpeted hallway, leading into Kiddo’s room and around to her closet is so soaked that even wearing slippers through it will get your feet wet. In the opposite direction, the flood only reached just beyond the threshold in my bedroom, leading us to believe we live on a slope.

Josh couldn’t miss work and Kiddo needed the schooling, so I’ve been home alone with the swamp all day, attempting to work from my laptop when I can stop stressing out. I’ve used our entire inventory of towels and sheets to soak up what they could and then rung them out and tossed them in the dryer. Praise all things holy we splurged that ninety bucks on Christmas Eve morning to get that thing heating up properly. It had been a whirl of cold air, which was leading to some foul smelling clothing. FOUR drying cycles later, the towels are not dry. I have three fans blowing, all angled at 45 degrees using a series of props and doors to try to speed up the drying, though I’m pretty sure it’s all for shit, as that carpet will need to be torn out.

Times like now? I am SO glad I rent.

-CJ

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