check your sugarcoat at the door


the sky is falling
March 1, 2011, 3:48 am
Filed under: daily, pets

Occasionally I make the short walk across the courtyard and up the stairs to my neighbors’ house, where we enjoy cocktails and BBQ’d goods on their balcony. From across the way and up, I look down into my place, where Lucy waits patiently at the door, looking back at me with big, sad, dumb, dog eyes. Mo waits in the window sill while Furby rubs his giant cat balls on my pillow, purring, the bitch is gone!

What else can I see from there? The balcony over my house and how badly it is sinking. I wish I had a picture of it, but the whole thing was slanted down, the right side leaning heavily and menacingly over my porch. We often joke about how it’s definitely coming down some day but like most things, I didn’t worry too much about it.

One afternoon when I was working from home last week, my neighbor stood outside my front door on his cell phone, speaking in clearly urgent, almost angry tones. He called me to the door when he had hung up and explained that he’d been just shy of demanding our landlord come hold the falling balcony up with his own hands, lest it fall into my living room and deter me from watching my Oprah.

You can brush it off and brush it off but when someone who knows what they’re talking about expresses worry, shit gets real and fast.

A general contractor was out the next morning and this is what I came home to:

(Photo titled: WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE)
(Alternate title: Crime scene – Disgruntled calamity shanks boyfriend for throwing dirty socks NEXT TO the hamper)

From my front door. Note the termite rot I’ve disregarded for nearly three years.

During the repairs, the friendly handydudes went a little too deep…

And this popped through Kiddo’s bedroom wall.

(The verbiage I just used screams “glory hole,” no?)

After one week solid of coughing and sniffling with so much frequency, I wouldn’t step foot into the office and so worked all week from my bed or kitchen table, I had to let my team know I would be out again this morning. No, not because I’m still sick, the balcony above me was just collapsing in on the place and there’s a hole in my drywall from when the gentlemen tried to save our lives.

That’s all.

When the wall-fixer arrived this morning, I ushered Lucy into my bedroom and closed the door, lest she bark his ankles to death. Mo ran ahead of us both, stopped dead center in the room to swing his head 180 degrees (he’s definitely part owl) to face me with saucer eyes. How could I not warn him of a stranger in the home and the obvious imminent danger he hath broughten?!

He seemed to say.

All’s well. How you doin’?

-CJ

ps, Mo on Bop-It!

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